What happened on the date Shockingly, the “table manners” question was NOT asked. It’s a cover-up! Imagine how bad the answer must’ve been for them to leave it out. Or the journo forgot. The date was really boring, anyway. It would’ve probably been a double-impeccable. Photograph: Sarah Lee; James Drew Turner, both for the Guardian...
What happened on the date Rich | Gabrielle Good table manners? She handled stringy onion rings like a pro. Good table manners? Neither of us was prim and proper. Imagine. Sounds like two wild boars fighting over slop in an eggcup. Photograph: Graham Turner; Sophia Evans, both for the Guardian...
What happened on the date James | Kirsty Any awkward moments? She got caught trying to go through the tube gates on my Oyster card, and she fell down the stairs. Good table manners? Great! Good table manners? That’s a bourgeois idea. It would perhaps be unfair to paint Kirsty as joyless – although she does a pretty good job of that herself. Her staccato responses to all the journo’s questions and a REFUSAL to even answer the all-important question – not even a cop-out “impeccable” – suggest there is...
What happened on the date Tom | Isabel Any awkward moments? The first 10 minutes, after the host told the whole bar I was on a blind date. Good table manners? Impeccable, even with chicken wings. Good table manners? Contended admirably with chicken wings. Even before you get to the end, you can tell these two got on. How? Because they made an agreement on the key table manners question, that’s how. They obviously both demolished chicken wings with all the grace of a pair of starved dogs, but realised...
What happened on the date Jane | Crudgie Any awkward moments? When I proposed we wrap up the evening when I thought we were running low on conversation. Good table manners? Yes. Good table manners? Of course. I’d love to know on what order the questions are asked. I like to think the table manners query comes toward the end of the interview, once all the bile has been expelled. It’s the only reason I can find for such incredible politeness over a date which, when you read the whole thing,...
Your dating profile – or the bio on whichever app your fingers are getting busy with – is your storefront, your prime advertising space. Sure, a picture tells a thousand words, but as anyone who’s spent more than a minute in the company of a boyband can tell you, hot looks are no guarantee of a great brain or a good time. Given that most people are only a swipe away from dating oblivion, you’d think that guys (and girls, of course, if that’s your thing) out there might try...
What happened on the date Lauren | Sam Good table manners? Very – he let me order the wine. Good table manners? Yep, although slight black mark for sipping a shot. This date actually went well. Notice ‘top bantz’ from Sam about his date not downing a shot. Lauren’s answer to ‘what we talked about’ is quite telling: "Our jobs, five-year plans (I have one, he does not), anti-feminism, the fact that I want to learn taxidermy." The “I have one, he does not” is such a burn that Sam is no...
What happened on the date Sophie | Laurie Any awkward moments? The waiter commented on our chemistry – we were the spectator sport. Good table manners? No complaints. Any awkward moments? Only when the waiter complimented us on the "chemistry" at the table. Good table manners? Very. OK, so this is more than table manners, but I had to put the “awkward moments” in because the “table manners” responses were practically a double-impeccable. I can’t even imagine why the waiter thought it was appropriate to butt into the date, but it...
Spare a thought, everyone, for Jonah Hill – the character actor caught on tape this week telling an irritating, confrontational paparazzo to suck his dick, signing off with the beautiful "faggot". No sooner had the first bored internet user finished listening to the second syllable of “faggot” spill from Hill’s mouth than the Wolf Of Wall Street star was hastily beating a retreat, apologising profusely, his Hollywood bankability draining before his very eyes like an iPhone battery at a festival. Hill has flung not one but two apologies out into the...
The supermarket can be a boring and depressing place at the best of times, let alone if you’re single. Couples snogging in front of the very shelf you’re trying to reach – lasagne for ONE – or, much more likely, arguing about being organic in front of the tenderstem broccoli. It’s a nonstop misery-fest, from the very moment you pick up your basket – complete with someone else’s scrunched up receipts in the bottom of it, the bastard – to the awkward hunt for your loyalty card as your cans...
