You can’t get more upfront and visual than Grindr. It’s the frank, confrontational reality TV show contestant of the social media app world, assuring you if it has anything to say it will “say it your face” or telling you “what you see is what you get”. Of course the truth is something quite different. Grindr is merely a cloudy mirror, vaguely reflecting society but usually doing its own hair or photoshopping out its eye-bags. What it has done with its instant gratification storefront, however, is slowly strangle some of...

We've all been there, 'enjoying' ourselves as best we can on a date, when suddenly, out of NOWHERE comes the game-changer. It's the one thing we haven't been waiting for, the comment which makes a date go from an 8 to a 4. That cup of cold sick nobody wants to drink: the clanger. I put together a Storify of some of the amazing tweets I got in response to my first ones, which were: Worst things I've heard on a date: "I'm like an olive." — The Guyliner (@theguyliner)...

I get asked a lot of questions, both on Twitter and over email. Usually it’s things like “Is that your real eye?” or “Who’s that famous person you mention in this blog?” and other times it’s women in America trying to get me to link to their blogs about nannies, or contraception, or gay marriage. And then, very occasionally, it’s even more random than that. Sometimes, it’s just a question, like: “Is it OK to wear shorts on a date?” Well, it’s a valid question. Thank you to the shy...

No can be a tough word to say at the best of times. Another cake? Don’t mind if I do. One for the road? Make it two. No always seems to want to play hide and seek when you need it the most. When you’re online dating, a lot of dates happen when they really shouldn’t. Like a misunderstanding over a spilled pint which quickly turns into a bar brawl, these things should be nipped in the bud when you have the chance. Because you are so adorable, desirable and...

Sometimes it’s wonderful to wake up gay and some days, well, not so much. My perfectly Instagrammed breakfast of eggs benedict was seriously spoiled on reading the Guardian and the Independent’s latest overwrought articles about ‘gay sex parties’ being linked to a rise in HIV diagnoses. This story is trotted out in some form or another every few months or so, usually illustrated with a microscopic selfie of HIV itself or a blurry picture of a heaving Vauxhall club. For the uninitiated, here’s how these pieces usually roll: a ‘study’...

Well, you did it again. Was it the tequila, the summer heat, or just the fact that you never let an itch go unscratched which led you to be opening your eyes very slowly and staring up in mild discomfort at a ceiling you’ve never seen before? Yes, you’re 'back at theirs'. The horror, the horror. If the first three morning-after nightmares haven’t put you off for ever, there are even more just waiting to turn your stomach. The cold light of day on unforgiving flesh Well, surprise, surprise, he’s...

Online dating needn’t be as bad as you think. I survived, so can you. Just watch out for the don’ts and live by the dos. DO: Have a decent photo And more than one. You really don’t want to see that look on your date’s face when you turn up. Make sure they are well represented pictorially too. Cameras, contrary to popular belief, are compulsive liars. (Also, make sure you are going on a date with the person you think you are.) DON'T: Lie on your dating profile If you...

As I always say, your dating profile is your storefront, your big shiny window display that you use to get the punters in. But in just a few short sentences, you can turn your gleaming emporium of you into a rundown old convenience store, with dirty canopies, smeared windows, and nothing of interest inside. All of the following are based on actual openers from dating profiles I have perused over the years. "I’m kind of like a Charlotte in the daytime and a bit of a Carrie on a night...

I am wary of those who scoff at or reject love. They deadpan throwaway lines that they probably nicked from books or movies written by people more intelligent — and hopeful — than them, ridiculing the concept, or claiming it doesn’t exist and that we’re simply giving lust another name. I also feel a bit sorry for them. When my first love ended, and I cast myself out into a new world of singledom three years ago, I wondered whether the best thing to do was fall in love again...