archivenot entirely serious life coaching

“I don’t do Christmas," he will say, his face pinched with misery. Quite a statement, and one loaded with meaning. To him, Santa is just an anagram of Satan and nothing more. You can deal with this, though, you tell yourself. You can make him adore the festive period – everybody says they hate it, but love it really. You can play him Winter Wonderland over and over. Maybe hang some jingling bells off your privates. And so your denial continues. But as the nights draw in and the Christmas lights start...

Despite trolling, misery-lit and the best efforts of rolling news, we actually live in very positive times. For every one person on social media demanding refugees are flayed alive in the town square, there are 20 posting inspirational quotes or GIFs of puppies and kittens tumbling over each other in glee. We are encouraged to be ‘up’, to root for each other, to be positive and inspire others, to believe in our own talents, and nobody but the biggest sociopath would ever want to be, or be around, a hater...

I don't mind selfie sticks. I think they get a bad rap. It's so drearily predictable people would moan about them, too, isn't it? I heard someone the other day say that selfie sticks were "end of civilisation as we know it". Not the refugee crisis, or war, or transphobia or Hollyoaks, but selfie sticks. Even Brooklyn Beckham – whose every word I hang on, believe me – has come out against them in his iconic guide to Instagram that had my eyes rolling so hard they played the tune to...

Dating blogs are full of advice and this one is no exception. All the others talk nonsense though – about rules you should follow and how you have to do X so that you look more Y. Ignore them all. Disconnect the internet. You need only one piece of dating advice today. And it is this. You should never date a man who… 1. Tells you that you have the same number of hours in a day as Beyoncé. If he ever presents you with this mug, introduce it to his...

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone. It seems we have reached the end of an era. According to today's Sunday Times' Style magazine barometer of what's hot and what's o-v-a-h, the GBF (Gay Best Friend) is done, replaced by the BMF –  Best Man Friend. I'll assume they mean that the BMF is a straight man. Straight men are "men" and gay men are "gay". I think that's how it works. Anyway, ignoring that every so slightly acidic twist of the heteronormative knife, here's why I'm glad my services as a...

It has been in the news this week that skinny jeans can kill you. But what a way to go. Thanks to the sterling efforts of Darwinism, a young woman in Australia almost threw a seven in her spray-ons after she did one too many squats helping someone move house, rendering herself immobile for hours when her calves swelled up. Before you laugh yourself out of your very own drainpipe slacks, remember she was hospitalised and it was all very serious and that kind of thing. She’s recovering now. When I was...