Impeccable Table Manners

Joe and Adam

What happened on the date A rare consecutive same-sex date sees the participants attempt diplomacy in what was clearly a glorified worm-eating contest. Take a tip from these guys: when eating ramen and it goes horribly wrong – as this evidently did – just agree on what you’re going to say before it goes in a national newspaper. Photograph: James Drew Turner for the Guardian...
Impeccable Table Manners

Kaush and Mark

What happened on the date Ooh, a gay date. Yay. They usually have a little bit of vinegar amid the usual plaudits. Kaush (top answer) actually tries to fling some subtle shade Mark’s way (“Neither seemed to mind” = “I noticed. I minded.”) but Mark rescues the date by answering with the only true answer. Impeccable. Photograph: Frantzesco Kangaris; Linda Nylind, both for the Guardian...
Impeccable Table Manners

Sam and Rebecca

What happened on the date Sam | Rebecca Any awkward moments? She showed me a picture of her sick at one point, but assured me her grandparents had already seen it. Good table manners? Impeccable. Good table manners? Very. I tried to make him eat a decorative pebble for £20, but he refused. I include Sam’s answer to the awkward moments question here because it shows the “impeccable” stock reply up for what it really is. props to Rebecca for very likely early on seeing this date was going to...

Victoria and Sam

What happened on the date Always tricky going on a first date with someone who doesn’t drink. The best way to handle it is almost certainly not drink a bottle of champagne. If you read between the lines, though, it sounds like Sam needed it.  Poor Sam must have been so legless, he can’t remember what Victoria’s table manners were like, so he went for the traditional “impeccable”. Except he probably slurred it so it sounded more like “perble”....
Impeccable Table Manners

Paul and Isabel

What happened on the date Paul | Isabel Good table manners? Impeccable. She said she was clumsy, but I think that was to mitigate my messy side of the table. Good table manners? Impeccable. This was almost a disaster – a double-impeccable. Thankfully, Paul (who is 43!!!) saves the day by letting us know Isabel (who is 41!!!) threw him a few burns. Look, they got on great and either use amazing moisturiser or have the best lighting wherever they go so let’s wish them well and overlook Isabel’s mega-disappointing...
Impeccable Table Manners

Levi and Grace

What happened on the date Shockingly, the “table manners” question was NOT asked. It’s a cover-up! Imagine how bad the answer must’ve been for them to leave it out. Or the journo forgot. The date was really boring, anyway. It would’ve probably been a double-impeccable. Photograph: Sarah Lee; James Drew Turner, both for the Guardian...
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