Single survival

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever heard on a date?

We’ve all been there, ‘enjoying’ ourselves as best we can on a date, when suddenly, out of NOWHERE comes the game-changer. It’s the one thing we haven’t been waiting for, the comment which makes a date go from an 8 to a 4. That cup of cold sick nobody wants to drink: the clanger.

I put together a Storify of some of the amazing tweets I got in response to my first ones, which were:

The response was mind-blowing. You’ve been on a LOT of bad dates, with some really grim people.

A  selection:

“I only pay if the boy is putting out.” – Everrette

“Please don’t tell my girlfriend.” – Ryan John Butcher

“Perhaps that’s because you’re a Gemini and you lack a strong relationship with your father.” (We’d been chatting for 20 mins) – Philip Cox

“The lottery is a tax on stupidity.”
*date later admits to betting on horses and using fruit machines* – Me

“I’ve only ever hit three girls before.” – Daisy Buchanan

“I live in Luton. With my parents.”
“Oh, right. Saving up for somewhere of your own?”
“No.” – Me

“What’s your surname? I want to check us in on Facebook.” – Tom

“Have you ever wanked off into your running shorts?” – Me

“Can you fart on my head?” – Peter Cavanagh

“I’ve been looking forward to meeting you, I’ve been practising on a creme egg ALL day”.
Then wiggled his tongue at me. – PirateOfMensPants

“You know how some people can channel the dead? Well, I think I can channel the living.” – Clare Sullivan

Me: “I like reading sociopathic fantasy book characters.”
Him: “I don’t get why people read.”
– Natasha S. Chowdory

“I’d call you half & half: half-decent and half-intelligent.”
Then he asked me on a second date. – BethPH

See the full horror and all the responses on Storify

Have you got one that WAY outplays all these amateurs? Tweet me: @theguyliner

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  1. (Him after my ordering a bacon cheeseburger)

    Him: Sooo… you aren’t going to put any veggies on that?

    Me: Not tonight… (Not that it’s anyone’s business but I had an enormous salad for lunch and was craving a burger).

    Him: Yeah, you look like you don’t eat a lot of vegetables.

    (Fuck off! The guy who ordered a double cheese double pepperoni pizza and was at least 50+ pounds overweight.)

  2. Hahaha! I once arranged a date after chatting online, then the day before he said “want to just go to the cemetery and have sex instead?”

    No. Bye.

  3. Actually the worst thing anyone’s said to me on a date, and this has happened many times actually, is “so, are you top or bottom?”

    I detest this for so many reasons.

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