What’s the worst thing you’ve ever heard on a date?

We’ve all been there, ‘enjoying’ ourselves as best we can on a date, when suddenly, out of NOWHERE comes the game-changer. It’s the one thing we haven’t been waiting for, the comment which makes a date go from an 8 to a 4. That cup of cold sick nobody wants to drink: the clanger.

I put together a Storify of some of the amazing tweets I got in response to my first ones, which were:

Worst things I’ve heard on a date: “I’m like an olive.”

— The Guyliner (@theguyliner) August 14, 2013

Another date: “I can be an acquired taste, like…” “Like an olive?” “Yeah! Like an olive.” “Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.” *silence*

— The Guyliner (@theguyliner) August 14, 2013

Worst things I’ve heard on a date: “So let me tell you about my entry interview for university.” (It’d been 9 years earlier. He got in.)

— The Guyliner (@theguyliner) August 14, 2013

The response was mind-blowing. You’ve been on a LOT of bad dates, with some really grim people.

A  selection:

“I only pay if the boy is putting out.” – Everrette

“Please don’t tell my girlfriend.” – Ryan John Butcher

“Perhaps that’s because you’re a Gemini and you lack a strong relationship with your father.” (We’d been chatting for 20 mins) – Philip Cox

“The lottery is a tax on stupidity.”
*date later admits to betting on horses and using fruit machines* – Me

“I’ve only ever hit three girls before.” – Daisy Buchanan

“I live in Luton. With my parents.”
“Oh, right. Saving up for somewhere of your own?”
“No.” – Me

“What’s your surname? I want to check us in on Facebook.” – Tom

“Have you ever wanked off into your running shorts?” – Me

“Can you fart on my head?” – Peter Cavanagh

“I’ve been looking forward to meeting you, I’ve been practising on a creme egg ALL day”.
Then wiggled his tongue at me. – PirateOfMensPants

“You know how some people can channel the dead? Well, I think I can channel the living.” – Clare Sullivan

Me: “I like reading sociopathic fantasy book characters.”
Him: “I don’t get why people read.”
– Natasha S. Chowdory

“I’d call you half & half: half-decent and half-intelligent.”
Then he asked me on a second date. – BethPH

See the full horror and all the responses on Storify

Have you got one that WAY outplays all these amateurs? Tweet me: @theguyliner