Impeccable Table Manners

Impeccable Table Manners

Kaush and Mark

What happened on the date Ooh, a gay date. Yay. They usually have a little bit of vinegar amid the usual plaudits. Kaush (top answer) actually tries to fling some subtle shade Mark’s way (“Neither seemed to mind” = “I noticed. I minded.”) but Mark rescues the date by answering with the only true answer. Impeccable. Photograph: Frantzesco Kangaris; Linda Nylind, both for the Guardian...
Impeccable Table Manners

Josh and Alexandra

What happened on the date You wouldn’t think somebody with as much hair going on as Josh would be so particular, would you? But Alexandra’s napkin faux-pas was unforgivable. Alexandra got her own back, however, by arranging to meet Josh again but, I assume, not turning up. Photograph: James Drew Turner for the Guardian ...
Dating 101Impeccable Table Manners

Ciara and Andrew

What happened on the date "Bad words." These are grown-ups. They don’t look the types to throw out loads of C-words over the starters, so I’m guessing "pilly, woo, bum" was as bad as it got. If you can’t curse or drop a few F-bombs on a first date, how are you going to lead up to farting in bed when you’re married?! As for dessert-sharing – that’s not a first date thing, Andrew. You messed up. But at least he didn’t say “impeccable”. Photographs: Murdo Macleod for the Guardian...
Impeccable Table Manners

Sam and Rebecca

What happened on the date I include Sam’s answer to the awkward moments question here because it shows the “impeccable” stock reply up for what it really is. props to Rebecca for very likely early on seeing this date was going to be a disaster and decided to at least make it memorable. Pro-tip: Carry a picture of your puke with you wherever you go – just in case. And, yes, Rebecca sounds a “bit much” but we’ve all been there – nerves on a date makes you do the...
Impeccable Table Manners

Paul and Isabel

What happened on the date This was almost a disaster – a double-impeccable. Thankfully, Paul (who is 43!!!) saves the day by letting us know Isabel (who is 41!!!) threw him a few burns. Look, they got on great and either use amazing moisturiser or have the best lighting wherever they go so let’s wish them well and overlook Isabel’s mega-disappointing “impeccable”. Photograph: Sarah Lee; James Drew Turner, both for the Guardian...
Impeccable Table Manners

Levi and Grace

What happened on the date Shockingly, the “table manners” question was NOT asked. It’s a cover-up! Imagine how bad the answer must’ve been for them to leave it out. Or the journo forgot. The date was really boring, anyway. It would’ve probably been a double-impeccable. Photograph: Sarah Lee; James Drew Turner, both for the Guardian...
Impeccable Table Manners

James and Kirsty

What happened on the date It would perhaps be unfair to paint Kirsty as joyless – although she does a pretty good job of that herself. Her staccato responses to all the journo’s questions and a REFUSAL to even answer the all-important question – not even a cop-out “impeccable” – suggest there is something we haven’t been told.  I include James’s account of Kirsty sneaking through the ticket barrier because it explains a lot. Although I’m not sure what. Photograph: Sophia Evans and Frantzesco Kangaris for the Guardian...
Impeccable Table Manners

Tom and Isabel

What happened on the date Even before you get to the end, you can tell these two got on. How? Because they made an agreement on the key table manners question, that’s how. They obviously both demolished chicken wings with all the grace of a pair of starved dogs, but realised they were going to be in a national newspaper and so agreed to save face. And yet SOMEHOW, an impeccable snuck in there. Oh, Tom. I added in the awkward moments question as I feel the response adds context...
Impeccable Table Manners

Jane and Crudgie

What happened on the date I’d love to know on what order the questions are asked. I like to think the table manners query comes toward the end of the interview, once all the bile has been expelled. It’s the only reason I can find for such incredible politeness over a date which, when you read the whole thing, sounds as much fun as having your balls waxed. Photograph: James Turner; Frantzesco Kangaris, both for the Guardian...
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