Dating 101

Dating 101Single survival

Valentine’s Day: Say no to romance at gunpoint

Thanks to the internet and snark becoming an acceptable way of life, moaning about Valentine's Day and deriding everyone who gets involved in it is almost as big an institution as buying your beloved a bouquet on the day. And it's highly monetised, with cash changing hands for a billion think pieces on the death of romance. We mock those who simply must book a romantic meal for two on February 14th, because either their partner will give them the silent treatment from the 15th until the end of March, or,...
Dating 101

10 tests every potential boyfriend must pass before you commit

So you’ve been on a couple of dates and it’s going well, but is he boyfriend material? Stop right there and climb no further on the commitment ladder until you’ve got him through the following ten challenges: 1. Make him chew gum Mouth open? Drooling? Really inexplicably loud? Bubbles?! Ditch him. 2. Watch him go through a self-checkout machine More than three unexpected items in the bagging area and he has to go. 3. Take a train or Tube with him You will see how he reacts to standing etiquette/giving...
Dating 101

33 lies you will tell yourself on a first date

1. If I arrive first it will make me look responsible and also like I care and that I'm… not flighty. It will not make me seem overly keen and boring, with nothing else to do tonight, or indeed ever. 2. Arriving late will make me seem mysterious and sexy, and he’ll be panting at my arrival, staring eagerly at the door. He'll be so pleased I haven’t stood him up that he’ll be overjoyed to see me and we will fall immediately in love. 3. Oh well, it’s better than...
Dating 101

25 men you should never date in 2015

New Year, new you? Oh, come on, the only thing that’s changed is the calendar and the fact you’re one year closer to Botox. The least you can do for yourself in 2015 is make sure you don’t date the wrong man. The wrong man is waiting on every corner. He is tweeting at you. He is smiling at you on the bus. He is writing these words. You usually never know you’re with the wrong man until he starts doing something wrong, but if he meets one, or indeed...
Dating 101

7 things to ask yourself before you contact the person you kissed at midnight at New Year

What is it about those magic bells as December turns into January that make us desperate to lock lips with someone? Despite having a perfectly acceptable time all night flying solo, the impending “clanging chimes of doom” (thanks Band Aid) of New Year suddenly make us feel more alone than ever. And most years, if your significant other isn’t already a) a thing that exists and b) somewhere nearby trying to pee into a beer can to save having to go to the loo, you end up reaching out to...
Dating 101Single survival

The 25 stages of Twitter courtship

Twitter isn’t just for cat GIFs, cod politics, think-pieces and bitching about reality TV, it’s also a place to find love! Spotting someone getting it on over Twitter is easy to do once you know how. Here are 25 signs those two faves you follow might be about to move on to being more than serial retweeters. 1. Regular liking of tweets – especially really boring attention-seeking ones. 2. Increased retweets. 3. Starting an @ conversation in response to nothing, not even a blogpost or a thirst-trap selfie. 4. Meeting...
Dating 101

The over-analytical, relationship-destroying Christmas Gift Guide

What do the gifts your other half gets you for Christmas really say about your relationship? Welcome paroxysms of angst and doubt into your life with my handy guide to what his presents mean for your romantic future… A bubble bath/body lotion/face wash gift set The first thing you should do when opening this present is jam your hand into your armpit and then give it a going over to make sure you don’t pong. Is this a hint? On the whole, “smellies” aren’t a very fascinating present unless you’ve...
Dating 101Single survival

Where not to meet your next lover: The gym

I have never dressed sexily for the gym – I have never seen the point. Either I have been partnered during my stack of memberships or, more usually, I have had no interest in romance among the kettle bells. In the dank, municipal hellholes where I like to work out, I have somehow known instinctively that Mr Right was not lurking by the lockers. While my latest gym is clean and modern, it is most certainly not a place where I will ever feel lustful and attractive. It is so basic, so...
Dating 101

11 men you really don’t want your boyfriend to follow on Instagram

They're hot, they're bored and they've got a smartphone. Meet the boys of Instagram who, you hope, your boyfriend hasn't met yet. Because when he does… you'll be filtered out of view. 1. Topless “night-night” selfie http://instagram.com/p/U9_m-doVxH You daren’t take selfies at bedtime because, eight days out of seven, you’re bloated from too much wine and you’re saving that spot to squeeze in the morning. Meanwhile, Prince Charming has plonked his pretty head down to rest in a sea of Touche Eclat, and is saying to your boyfriend "Imagine us here,...
Dating 101

An additional 25 men you should never date

The dating arena is an unforgiving place. There’s no time to waste on that search for lasting love. As ever, I only want to help, so if you want to separate the men from the boys and the woulds from the would-nots, here I have 25 more men you should, if at all possible, avoid when dating. Everything I do, I do it for you. You should never date a man who… 1. Has a 'hilarious' answer-phone message. Wacky outgoing voicemail messages are up there with novelty underpants, Homer Simpson...
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