archivedrunk

As a companion to their popular – well, I like it anyway – Blind Date series, the Guardian has launched Watch Me Date, a televisual feast that lets you, well, watch two people go on a date. Each hapless romantic, or freeloader on a wine recharge, is kitted out with a pair of Google Glass, er, glasses. And we get to see what happens. It’s bit like gonzo porn except there’s more sweating. I can't embed because WordPress is useless, but why not watch the video while you read my...

What happened on the date Always tricky going on a first date with someone who doesn’t drink. The best way to handle it is almost certainly not drink a bottle of champagne. If you read between the lines, though, it sounds like Sam needed it.  Poor Sam must have been so legless, he can’t remember what Victoria’s table manners were like, so he went for the traditional “impeccable”. Except he probably slurred it so it sounded more like “perble”....

Stats: 31, 6’, brown/light brown, London Where: Soho, W1 Pre-date rating: 8/10 I lean forward on my hand and do my best ‘interested’ face as tonight’s contestant, dark-eyed, floppy-haired Matthew, regales me with stories about his ex-boyfriends. Well, I say, boyfriends – he’s dispatched them with a fervour and speed usually reserved for delousing a nit-ridden child. “I just can’t seem to tie myself down to one person,” he drawls, his eyes flicking to all corners of the room – no doubt scoping it out for any other, sexier men,...

Stats: 5'10″, 32, black/brown, Mexico When: Saturday 31 July, 1pm and 10.30pm Where: South-east London Pre-date rating: 7/10 The dates are becoming more and more disillusioning as time goes on, to be honest. This one is a little different from the others, though. I meet him on a different site, one where you know less information about your potential date, but you talk through instant messenger, rather than emails. (Edit: Grindr – why am I so afraid to say Grindr?!) We seem to get on well, at first missing each other and...