Holly and Johnny
This week’s lovestruck strangers are Holly, 42, an NHS service manager, and Johnny, 45, a product manager, both of whom look a little like PSHE teachers you would definitely feel comfortable coming out to – but they would probably make you do a chorus or two of ‘Blowin’ in the Wind’ before the end of the little chat.
Let’s see how they got on according to the Guardian, before returning here for a quick swoosh through their answers.
Holly | Johnny
What were you hoping for?
A new experience that would push me out of my comfort zone. Meeting someone I liked would be a bonus.
Comfort zone. I blame The X Factor for this. Going to a restaurant is not busting out of your comfort zone. You’re not jumping from a plane or scaling the Eiffel Tower in a denim mini and patent leather slingbacks. Unless this is your first time using a knife and fork, I dunno.
What were you hoping for?
For my first ever blind date (yikes!) to be with a really good human to make the experience lovely. Nailed it – danke schön, Guardian!
Lots to pick at here, so I’ll just select one: ‘human’. Maybe I use this occasionally if I think I’ve said ‘people’ too often in whatever I’m writing, but must we? Was Johnny concerned the Guardian may send a Border Terrier on the date? Or a Lesser Antillian iguana?
What did you talk about?
Travel. Tattoos. Turtles. Politics. Music. Family. Our careers and dreams.
Tr*mp and what the US will be like, particularly for women. Things we learned about ourselves in 2024. Taylor Swift (we’re both fans and have seen her live). Colonisation and the awful impact it had on various First Nations peoples.
Tr*mp/Politics 
– You get people who are addicted to things. It doesn’t matter what. As soon as they give up one thing, they take up another. I gave up my daily Double Decker in late 2024 and was clean for a while but then started in on bread. Bread, a foodstuff I largely avoided for decades. I’m going to have to give that up too, now, because the bathroom mirror is becoming upsetting, but I know some other fixation will arrive in its place. Anyway, people just can’t help themselves chatting about that person and I honestly have to leave the room. I know, I know. But I can’t. I am aware of it and try to promote and support those he oppresses. But all of it makes me feel ill. And I certainly wouldn’t talk about him on a DATE.
(If I were being kinder here – unusual – I would venture it is important to root out weirdos and one way is to uncover their stance on that person.)
Things we learned about ourselves in 2024 – My God.
Colonisation – I mean, an important conversation to be had but… on a DATE?! Come back exes, renting in London, how great/terrible the Tube is, boxsets of Breaking Bad, and where you went on your gap year – ALL is forgiven.
Most awkward moment?
When I knocked over my wine and it spread an embarrassingly long way. But he was so nice about it, so the awkwardness didn’t last long.
Only embarrassing if you licked it off the table or scrunched up the sodden tablecloth and shoved it in your mouth.
Good table manners?
Great! We agreed that pork crackling needed to be eaten with our hands.
AppleTr*mp, the devastating effects of colonisation, and eating pork crackling with their hands? What next? Are they going to strangle an XL Bully in front of each other?
Describe Johnny in three words.
Considerate, funny and conscientious.
CONSIDERATE – like the person in the shop who picks up your coin purse (it’s 1976) when you drop it, but uh-oh, there’s jam on their fingers.
FUNNY – like hearing your worst enemy has a raging case of diarrhoea (non life-threatening) and is wearing white jeans.
CONSCIENTIOUS – like someone who brings up the ritual slaughter of indigenous people by deranged, messianic colonisers over your soufflé starter.
Describe Holly in three words.
Curious, interesting and warm.
CURIOUS – like a cat gently tapping at the on-switch of the food processor while you’ve got your hand in it cleaning out bits of carrot.
INTERESTING – like talking about President Fanta-Face will NEVER be in a romantic situation.
WARM – like a recently vacated seat on the bus that you now sit in and try not to gag as you imagine someone else’s ass-heat now penetrating your very bones.
What do you think they made of you?
Probably that I am a bit scatty and don’t take myself too seriously.
I’d say funny, interesting, cheeky and sweary. She told me I was nice, too.
Look, they might be a bit like side characters in Last Tango in Halifax but they are at least decent people and these answers are very p.71 of a rom-com where one of them is about to get splashed by a bus zooming through a large puddle and the other will accidentally choke on a loosened veneer (non life-threatening) and then they’ll go to a cosy pub with an open fire and talk about tinpot dictators and murder all night long.
And … did you kiss?
No, but we had a nice hug.
Negative, Ghost Rider.
I know what Ghost Rider is but I don’t understand this reference and I refuse to find out.
Marks out of 10?
9 (or there’s no room for improvement).
Told you. TEACHER VIBES.
Marks out of 10?
A very enjoyable 8/10 for the date itself (I ain’t rating humans out of 10).
Something about this answer – the ‘humans’, the ‘ain’t’ – brings to mind Pam Ayres rearranging magnetic poetry tiles on a SMEG fridge.
Would you meet again?
Yes. We swapped numbers, so hoping to meet again soon.
Yes, we’re planning to. I’m intrigued to learn more about her.
NetflixGood luck to them!
If you liked this and want to support my work
I don’t think anyone reads this bit anymore and I get it, but if you do want to help me carry on writing for a living, there are several ways to do so:
1. Buy one of my books
All four of my currently released novels are £2.99 on ebook at the moment – get them wherever you prefer – but if you like physical copies, that’s fine too. My fourth novel LEADING MAN is out in paperback in April and preorders essentially will decide whether or not it ends up being a success. All in your hands, tbh. Preorder wherever you like.
2. Consider leaving me a small tip on Ko-fi.
3. Subscribe to my Substack
A lot of the pieces are free and all of them are good.
4. Come find me on social media
I’m most active on Bluesky or Instagram.
Something to remember about the review and the daters that I put at the end of every post
The comments I make are based on answers given by participants. The Guardian chooses what to publish and usually edits answers to make the column work better on the page. Most things I say are riffing on the answers given and not judgements about the daters themselves, so please be kind to them in comments, replies, and generally on social media. Daters are under no obligation to get along for our benefit, or explain why they do, or don’t, want to see each other again, so please try not to speculate or fill our feeds with hate. If you’re one of the daters, get in touch if you want to give me your side of the story. Where do you stand on Melania?
Holly and Johnny ate at Lorne, London SW1. Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com
16 Comments
Leave a Response
Was hoping you’d do this pair. The sprinkling of “I’m mad me” throughout his answers and the mention of how colonisation affected First Nation people made me SPRINT over here.
I can only concur with your conclusion. Good luck to them both, they have found each other
You did note in your comments that you’re not kind, but I was disappointed by your snarky response to this date. But I guess that Holly and Johnny *are* my people. I would be very much up for discussing DT and the deleterious effect of colonization on First Nations people on a blind date (having ascertained discreetly the politics of my date – it might make for a short evening if they turned out to be alt-right, though that would be surprising since it’s the Guardian); so much more interesting than the usual talk about where they went to uni, their exes, the joys of houseshares in Hackney, etc. They are in their forties, so grown-ups.
No, it was not an exciting date (no knickers left at a party they crashed), but I thought that H and J seemed delightful people, and, notably, were not afraid to say how much they liked each other: that is very refreshing and heartwarming, and I’m hoping that it will work out very well for them.
Sorry you were disappointed but I’m snarky about almost everyone, and have been for a decade plus – it’s the running joke of the entire blog, that I think every topic of conversation is dreadful.
And I did say they seemed like nice people.
I vaguely recall your making a few tender comments in the past, but nostalgia tends to rub off the rough edges of my memories.
I do, often – I contain multitudes. I write these reviews quickly and base my comments only on things that might be interesting or funny to pick out. Another day, my reaction may well have been different. Anyway, thanks for reading.
I’m a friend of Johnny’s and can attest that he’s one of the best guys I know. He’s also recently returned from a decade or more in Australia where our treatment of First Nations people has been beyond atrocious. Anyway, I’m just here to thank Gillian for her considered take on the date and review. I love what you do but it hits different when it’s someone you know I guess. I did appreciate you saying they seemed like nice people though! Anyway, my take is that Holly is a lucky lady, and even if it doesn’t work out (spoiler – they’ve been on three dates now) they’ve both made a friend!
I’m delighted to hear they’ve met again and that it’s going well. Thanks for reading.
I guessed the really odd “human” would set you off as it did to me. I thought of the C4 series with Gemma Chan.
It’s a bit like when people say ‘doggo’ – makes me shiver a bit.
Thanks for responding. Good luck for your new book!
Thank you!
I had to double check his age with the “Negative ghost rider” – tad young for it, must have had older siblings.
I m still waiting for your take on that Paul Mescal look alike!!!
Oh which one was that? I never go back and review ones I’ve missed, sadly!
Damn, i feared that was the case. It was the one from 11th of january https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/jan/11/blind-date-jordan-frances
To the reader asking for their comments to be deleted: don’t worry, you may be able to see them but they don’t show up here for anyone else as I haven’t approved them. Thanks for reading and also for buying the book!