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Single survival

Say no to couple envy

You're in a half-empty pub. Perhaps you're waiting for a date, but more likely you are idling away the hours alone with some much-needed human company before going back to the stark solitude of the dungeon walls which hold up the roof on your supposed bachelor pad. Suddenly, you feel a tingle. Someone in your vicinity is being romantic, you can feel it. Maybe you've heard the gentle, sickening slurp of a kiss or caught a glimpse of interlocking fingers out of the corner of your eye. Whatever it is,...
Dating 101Single survival

Valentine’s Day: Say no to romance at gunpoint

Thanks to the internet and snark becoming an acceptable way of life, moaning about Valentine's Day and deriding everyone who gets involved in it is almost as big an institution as buying your beloved a bouquet on the day. And it's highly monetised, with cash changing hands for a billion think pieces on the death of romance. We mock those who simply must book a romantic meal for two on February 14th, because either their partner will give them the silent treatment from the 15th until the end of March, or,...
Single survival

17 things couples do that make single people want to kill them

Aside from the mindless shagging, off-the-peg hedonism and thrilling Uber rides to the clap clinic, being single can be something of a trial. Sure, you can do what the hell you like, when you like, but sometimes you long for the touch of another, for someone to care that you've left the fridge open, the thrill of orgasming with someone else in the room. And as if all that wasn't enough, you’ve got dickhead couples pulling this kind of crap all around you, reminding you how unloved, lonely and insignificant you are: 1. Share puddings. “Two spoons, please” is a knife in...
Single survival

Why supermarkets make the singleton sad

The strangest things bring a tear to your eye when you’re single. You can sit through a weepie romcom with barely a flicker, connecting emotionally as you would to watching a lawn getting mowed, and the death of an elderly relative can bring a temporary heavy heart yes, but the real tearjerkers aren’t the huge sad moments or highly emotional events. No, it’s the little things that get you. Like supermarkets. Supermarkets make me sad. Unless you’re unlucky to be partnered up with a congenitally lazy retail-avoider, the weekly shop...