archivecouple envy

We all have that oversharing friend, don't we? The one who posts millions of selfies or is always checking in on Facebook, drowning under the weight of their own humblebrags or passive-aggressive attention-seeking. And only the very kindest of us wouldn't have a quick sneer with other mutual friends – maybe fire off a bitchy text or a moany DM. "They're at it again!" And that's OK, that's human nature. Unless you're very careless or downright malicious, nobody finds out and nobody gets hurt. One opportunistic person wanted to take this...

Thanks to the internet and snark becoming an acceptable way of life, moaning about Valentine's Day and deriding everyone who gets involved in it is almost as big an institution as buying your beloved a bouquet on the day. And it's highly monetised, with cash changing hands for a billion think pieces on the death of romance. We mock those who simply must book a romantic meal for two on February 14th, because either their partner will give them the silent treatment from the 15th until the end of March, or,...

Aside from the mindless shagging, off-the-peg hedonism and thrilling Uber rides to the clap clinic, being single can be something of a trial. Sure, you can do what the hell you like, when you like, but sometimes you long for the touch of another, for someone to care that you've left the fridge open, the thrill of orgasming with someone else in the room. And as if all that wasn't enough, you’ve got dickhead couples pulling this kind of crap all around you, reminding you how unloved, lonely and insignificant you are: 1. Share puddings. “Two spoons, please” is a knife in...

The strangest things bring a tear to your eye when you’re single. You can sit through a weepie romcom with barely a flicker, connecting emotionally as you would to watching a lawn getting mowed, and the death of an elderly relative can bring a temporary heavy heart yes, but the real tearjerkers aren’t the huge sad moments or highly emotional events. No, it’s the little things that get you. Like supermarkets. Supermarkets make me sad. Unless you’re unlucky to be partnered up with a congenitally lazy retail-avoider, the weekly shop...