Emma and Rich

Interesting fact about Rich: he called this very blog “cheap and witless” just a few weeks ago. *cracks fingers* Anyway.

This week’s contestants are in their early 40s. Generally, daters in this age bracket tend to be quite vanilla and rarely give anything away. It’s only the really young or old ones who have zero filter and let rip. However, despite this week’s photo screaming “beige”, I am willing to give them a go.

Read what happened on the date  before we get the microscope – and the claws – out.

Emma | Rich

Any awkward moments?
Only when I spat the duck spring roll into a napkin.

Good table manners?
Not bad.

Good table manners?
I’ve never seen a spring roll spat into a napkin with such grace and elegance.

Emma’s an interior designer, but answers most of the questions about the date as she if she’s a teacher handing you back some homework that has disappointed her.

Spitting out food you don’t like is kind of what napkins are for, if you think about it, so I’m not sure why Emma feels Jane Eyre-levels of mortification.

She says Rich’s table manners were “not bad”, which isn’t exactly an “impeccable” so you have to wonder what he did to get this B-. Emma shall never tell. Never. I’m with her on duck spring rolls, though – they are not your friend. Yuk.

Rich mentions the napkin-spitting incident so at least the one thing they have in common is a bizarre hang up about ‘serviettes’.

Thankfully, elsewhere in the date, the answers get more interesting.

What did you talk about?
Expensive bathrooms, Ukip, Prince Harry, her dog, her job, her ex-husband, her flat.

Here, Rich is using a blunt instrument to get the message across that Emma liked to talk about herself. I guess it’s important, when you’re going to appear in a magazine, to look funny or clever. It was a spirited effort. Some might say it’s a cheap shot. Not me, though, oh no. Let’s abandon the floaters to go deeper.

Emma:

Describe him in three words
Likable, sincere, normal.

What do you think he made of you?
Probably that I was OK, if a little demanding and bossy.

“Normal.” I bet Rich’s heart is beating ten-to-the-dozen with this faint praise. “Boring” uses the same amount of letters and is more descriptive, but has less shade value. Emma almost certainly watches Drag Race.

As for the “demanding and bossy”, I assume this is linked to a request for more napkins. How demanding can you be on a first date? And why would you want to be?

Rich:

Describe her in three words
Independent, impulsive, impatient.

What do you think she made of you?
She did say I was quite well-spoken.

“Well-spoken” is a great compliment from one of your grandma’s friends or a drama teacher. Here, it means “boring”. At least she didn’t go for “witless”, eh Rich?

I am now absolutely dying to know what Emma did on this date. I’m enjoying Rich’s alliteration here, but need more details on whether this was just for effect or she really was a nightmare. Impatient, eh? “BRING ME MORE NAPKINS NOW.” It has to be.

This week the “If you could change one thing” question features zero whinging about it being a weeknight. Result!

Instead we get this cup of sick with glass at the bottom:

If you could change one thing about the evening, what would it be?
His opening line: “I’ve been shitting it.” It’s not the first thing I’d say to impress a lady.

Swearing on a date probably isn’t ideal, but the line “It’s not the first thing I’d say to impress a lady” is one of the most hilarious things I have read in Blind Date for a while. I really hope that’s not a direct quote.

Both scored each other an 8, and while the entire date feels like it was carefully airbrushed in numerous phone calls between the two, and curated by the ghost of Mary Whitehouse, once you look a little deeper, it’s a seething mass of tension, awkwardness and, of course, napkins.

Who says people in their 40s are dull?