They're hot, they're bored and they've got a smartphone. Meet the boys of Instagram who, you hope, your boyfriend hasn't met yet. Because when he does… you'll be filtered out of view. 1. Topless “night-night” selfie http://instagram.com/p/U9_m-doVxH You daren’t take selfies at bedtime because, eight days out of seven, you’re bloated from too much wine and you’re saving that spot to squeeze in the morning. Meanwhile, Prince Charming has plonked his pretty head down to rest in a sea of Touche Eclat, and is saying to your boyfriend "Imagine us here,...

What happened on the date An exciting deviation from the norm in an attempt to add content to the worst question of the entire column. Effort appreciated, but the use of “textbook” makes me feel a bit ill. And sharing food is a prelude to sex and they didn’t actually do that – so no. Unless your hands are planning to wander far and wide, keep them off your date’s plate. Especially with cheese, the least sexy food since polenta. Photograph: James Drew Turner for the Guardian...

Did you come out on National Coming Out Day? And how was it for you? What people never seem to tell you about coming out is that it’s not restricted to one day – it’s a never-ending event. See those closet doors? They’re revolving. Day after day, you will find yourself – directly and indirectly – coming out to a host of people, even total strangers. The coming out never stops. Think you have everybody covered? Relatives, friends, key people at work – check. However, you're not out of the woods...

What happened on the date A rare consecutive same-sex date sees the participants attempt diplomacy in what was clearly a glorified worm-eating contest. Take a tip from these guys: when eating ramen and it goes horribly wrong – as this evidently did – just agree on what you’re going to say before it goes in a national newspaper. Photograph: James Drew Turner for the Guardian...

The dating arena is an unforgiving place. There’s no time to waste on that search for lasting love. As ever, I only want to help, so if you want to separate the men from the boys and the woulds from the would-nots, here I have 25 more men you should, if at all possible, avoid when dating. Everything I do, I do it for you. You should never date a man who… 1. Has a 'hilarious' answer-phone message. Wacky outgoing voicemail messages are up there with novelty underpants, Homer Simpson...