Opinion

Birthdays. Like Christmas, they come but once a year. They break up the calendar a little, and give you something to look forward to, right? You have drinks, catch up with old friends, overload your pals' Facebook news feeds with ever-changing event invitations. Presents are bought and you're showered with cards, right? My birthday, however, is the ultimate failure in celebrations. The Dannii Minogue of my social calendar, my birthday is always overshadowed by its big sister, the one everybody loves - Christmas. Yes, my birthday is two days before...

If years of hysterical media coverage have taught us anything, it's that lusting after children is wrong. Paedophilia – the great cause everyone can get behind and feel safe raising a flaming torch or pitchfork to. It's immoral, and always will be. The legal definition of a child can vary from country to country - and even states within countries – but it's generally agreed you can't go around dreaming about a teenager in their underwear until they've passed that great invisible milestone, the age of consent. Or if you do,...

Despite trolling, misery-lit and the best efforts of rolling news, we actually live in very positive times. For every one person on social media demanding refugees are flayed alive in the town square, there are 20 posting inspirational quotes or GIFs of puppies and kittens tumbling over each other in glee. We are encouraged to be ‘up’, to root for each other, to be positive and inspire others, to believe in our own talents, and nobody but the biggest sociopath would ever want to be, or be around, a hater...

Following the sad passing of legendary bonkbuster queen Jackie Collins yesterday, you will undoubtedly read millions of pieces by people claiming her books taught them about sex. It probably sounds over-sentimental, but there's more than a grain of truth in it. While it would be an overstatement to say jackie Collins taught me everything I know about sex – I consider myself still to be an enthusiastic apprentice – it certainly made me aware there was a whole load of disappointing sex out there waiting for me. People who haven't read Jackie Collins...

I don't mind selfie sticks. I think they get a bad rap. It's so drearily predictable people would moan about them, too, isn't it? I heard someone the other day say that selfie sticks were "end of civilisation as we know it". Not the refugee crisis, or war, or transphobia or Hollyoaks, but selfie sticks. Even Brooklyn Beckham – whose every word I hang on, believe me – has come out against them in his iconic guide to Instagram that had my eyes rolling so hard they played the tune to...

Apologies if you have clicked through or scrolled past the title expecting some top tips on achieving coolness. I have no idea. I have existed for all my 39 years on the periphery of something that can barely be called tepid, let alone the ice white coolness  we all seem to crave. It is a cruel truth we reveal to ourselves when we admit we are not, and will never be, cool. What we don’t understand is that coolness can only be awarded by other, less cool people. You can’t...