Tag Archives: Christmas Day

23 signs you’re dating a Christmas Fanatic

As the song goes, Christmas is “the most wonderful time of the year”, but for many of us, it belongs in the last couple of weeks of December and exists purely as an excuse to get drunk in a horrible jumper and open loads of presents that you’ll be queuing up with in Customer Services in a couple of days.

But what if you find yourself loved up with Santa’s missing elf? What if your other half is actually, underneath the reindeer horns and ugly Christmas ‘pullover’, Father Christmas’s keenest son?

Have you got yourself a Christmas fanatic? Here’s how to spot one:

1. They set their alarm to go off to the sound off sleigh bells. In July.

2. The Christmas playlist kickoff date gets earlier and earlier. Again, we’re up to July.

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3. You walk in the lounge in September to find your other half very carefully adding the 1,000th bauble to a seven-foot artificial Christmas tree.
“This one is just to do us until we can get a real one in December,” he’ll say.

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4. Your breakfast cup of tea tastes suspiciously mulled.  Continue reading 23 signs you’re dating a Christmas Fanatic

The over-analytical, relationship-destroying Christmas Gift Guide

What do the gifts your other half gets you for Christmas really say about your relationship? Welcome paroxysms of angst and doubt into your life with my handy guide to what his presents mean for your romantic future…

A bubble bath/body lotion/face wash gift set
The first thing you should do when opening this present is jam your hand into your armpit and then give it a going over to make sure you don’t pong. Is this a hint?

On the whole, “smellies” aren’t a very fascinating present unless you’ve asked for them or have some thought behind them – perhaps your signature scent or an in-joke or something really “luxe” or whatever GQ is calling pricey stuff this year.

Nine times out of ten, however, they are a Boots 3-for-2 panic buy and you’ve got the gift he had to buy to make the deal and, as we know, you should never, ever date a man who does that.

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Prognosis: You’ll probably make it to next Christmas. Up your hints game though if you want to avoid another box of hand cream in 2015. Continue reading The over-analytical, relationship-destroying Christmas Gift Guide