archivechemistry

Impeccable Table Manners

Laurie and Sophie

What happened on the date OK, so this is more than table manners, but I had to put the “awkward moments” in because the “table manners” responses were practically a double-impeccable. I can’t even imagine why the waiter thought it was appropriate to butt into the date, but it doesn’t seem to have put them off. I do hope they didn’t tip. Sophie signs off with a “Sure, why not?” – sexy! – while Laurie is more cool, insisting it’ll be nothing more than a “friendly drink”....
Good dates

The Reluctant Casanova

Stats: 31, 6’, brown/light brown, London Where: Soho, W1 Pre-date rating: 8/10 I lean forward on my hand and do my best ‘interested’ face as tonight’s contestant, dark-eyed, floppy-haired Matthew, regales me with stories about his ex-boyfriends. Well, I say, boyfriends – he’s dispatched them with a fervour and speed usually reserved for delousing a nit-ridden child. “I just can’t seem to tie myself down to one person,” he drawls, his eyes flicking to all corners of the room – no doubt scoping it out for any other, sexier men,...
Single survival

The five sexiest people you’ll ever see on public transport

I have a love-hate relationship with travelling on the Tube, London's dog-breathed series of arteries which carries us all safely around the place, while we moan about how long it takes to get anywhere and how far away everyone lives. Buses can go fuck themselves, frankly; dull as they are with their stench of fast food and myriad teenagers playing generic hip-hop through tinny speakers. Buses are unsociable and unsexy – everyone facing forward like they're at the world's worst cinema. In the sexiness stakes, there's no getting away from...
Good dates

The Late Great

Stats: 26, 5’9”, brown/brown, Midlands Where: Brixton, SW2 Pre-date rating: 8/10 Punctuality is the politeness of kings, my grandmother always used to say, and while I’m not particularly regal, I do believe the least you can do on a date is get there on time. ‘Fashionably late’ is a flawed, dangerous concept. One man’s height of style is another’s fashion faux-pas. You mustn’t leave anything to chance. I have just arrived at the bar for tonight’s date with the latest inked entry in my increasingly pathetic social diary. All I...
Good dates

The Thriller

Stats: 33, 6’1”, black/blue, Gloucestershire When: Late 2011 Where: Shoreditch, east London Pre-date rating: 9/10 Dating is lonely; don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. You may be out night after night, making doe eyes at handsome strangers and maybe even rolling your tongue around their mouth, but it’s just a few short hours of conversation. The high is short-lived. Sooner or later you have to come back to your flat, the fridge filled with moulding vegetables (they never get used up fast enough when you’re cooking for one) and the...
Good dates

The Dish from Damascus

Stats: 34, 5’8”, brown/brown, Syria Where: East London When: September 2010 Pre-date rating: 8/10 Dating can be a very solitary experience, despite the fact that you’re meeting up with another person. Travelling to the date you are alone in your thoughts, every possible scenario whirring around in your head, and nine times out of ten, you end up going home by yourself – OK, maybe eight. So it’s good to have someone else aboard at least part of the way. The best place for a wingman is the selection process...
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