There are lots of standard questions you should ask on a first date. “Where did you grow up?” “What do you do for a living?” “Do you mind if I just escape through the fire exit once I feel I’ve had enough?”
But the question few ever ask, but they really should, sounds the simplest question of all but is in fact a very complex psychological test that will tell you all you need to know about the hapless fool sitting opposite you. No, it’s not “lemon or lime in a gin and tonic?” – although that is a good one – it’s “Who’s your favourite Spice Girl?”
And with the fab five rumoured to be returning for a reunion tour for their 20th anniversary – actually, make that four; Posh has said no thanks – there’s never been a better time to wheel it out.
Posh – Victoria Beckham
VB is the go-to Spice for quite a few guys, I have noticed. Of all the quintet, she has the biggest contemporary profile. Married to chiselled, doodle-filled football hero David Beckham, mother to four children who will be cluttering up magazine covers way into our dotage and, bizarrely, supreme ruler of a fashion empire that anyone who remembers those cheap New Look black dresses she sported in the ‘90s can’t quite get their head around, Victoria is the full package.
“Oh I think she’s fabulous!” they cry. Yes they really are talking about the woman who has barely smiled for the best part of two decades and sat on a throne on her wedding day. “She has a great sense of humour,” they will trill, perhaps in reference to the Beckhams’ array of his and hers outfits the pair would wear before they had that serious rebranding and headed for Hollywood.
And here’s the problem with the date whose favourite Spice Girl is Posh: they think they are a brand. Victoria’s aspirational lifestyle and unashamed devotion to glam has influenced many a civilian in trying to “luxe” up their life, running up huge credit card bills just so they can have an A-lister experience.
VB fans don’t smile, don’t open car doors and roll their eyes whenever a camera comes out – unless it’s their own and they’re photographing their pornstar martinis for Instagram.
Victoria has it all, and they want a bit of it too. The nearest they may get to it is sporting a pair of knickers from David’s H&M pants range, but they don’t care – they know their moment will come.
Whether they’ll hang on to you while they wait for it is quite another matter.