Dating 101: Introductory offer

One of the most harrowing parts of having an online dating profile seems to be the necessity to write about yourself. Countless singletons struggle with this, and, boy, does it show!

There’s only one simple rule to remember when writing the introductory paragraph of your profile: try not to sound like a dickhead. Judging by some of the woeful intros I’ve read over the last few months, it’s much more difficult than it sounds. Here’s a handy top 5 for ultimate ‘God this guy/ girl sounds like a bellend’ aversion:

1. Do NOT, under any circumstances, kick things off with a sentence or two about how hard it is to describe yourself/ write these things/ sell your positive attributes etc. We KNOW: all of us looking at your profile have had to do it too, remember? If you really can’t think of a few lines to describe yourself by your age, I’d be worried. Go and check your birth certificate and make sure you’re not 74 and senile.

2. Keep it positive. If there’s one thing that’s unsexy, it’s putting a downer on things. Don’t concentrate on your negatives too much; say what you DO like rather than what you don’t. And don’t mention your snoring/ halitosis/ previous convictions etc.

3. If you’re not a natural scribe, keep the prose brief (although if you’re not adept at writing, you may not actually know what I mean by ‘prose’) and use lists to reveal your likes, personality traits and all that. If you’re not comfortable around a bullet point, just short sentences will do.

4. Check it over for typos and grammatical faux-pas. If there is one thing that is an instant turn-off, it’s bad spelling or the use of things like ‘should of’. Well, for me anyway. You could at least look like you’ve put some thought into it. The irony that this blog is peppered with typos is not lost on me. But this is not a dating profile.

5. Online dating may owe the internet its very existence, but world wide web mainstays like LOL, OMG or any combination of ‘txtspk’ abbreviations do not belong anywhere near the profile of anyone who actually wants to get some ‘action’.

My pleasure.