Pictures are quite important when it comes to online dating. Sure, your blurb helps get your personality across, but in the real world, what you look like is likely to make more of an instant impact. So it’s crucial that your photos make you look as all-out hot as possible. And if you can’t rely on God-given beauty, your photos can at least present to your ‘audience’ what kind of person you are.
Profile pictures can either be the catalyst for much excitement when you realise that somebody smoking hot is interested in you, or the portent of doom when you’re pursued by a person whose face wouldn’t look out of place painted on the side of a ghost train.
Selecting your photos should not be done alone. Get a second or third opinion before uploading any. What you might think are fantastic photos of your lovely self, others might find the prospect of kissing a corpse more inviting than dating someone who looks like you do in your pics.
And before you publish a whole load of carefully posed mirror shots, stop and think. Don’t post too many that you’ve taken yourself: potential dates will just think you’re a posing tit with narcissistic tendencies. By the same token, avoid too many pictures of you having ‘crazy’ nights out, especially if you have ugly friends. As Granny used to say: “Expect to be judged by the company you keep”. So if you’re hanging out with mingers, expect some of that ming to rub off on you. Equally, don’t post pictures of yourself with hot mates, or potential dates might meet you just to get to the hot stuff you hang around with.
Pictures taken in natural situations are best; nobody really wants to see you staring out to sea looking pensive, unless that’s how you intend to behave on your date, of course.
But what does your profile picture really say about you?
Drink in hand: alcoholic Pulling a funny face: ugly when straight-faced Lots of holiday shots: ripe for gold-digging Topless: looked like that 5 years ago With former partner: unable to let go/ partner is dead under floorboards Alone in untidy lounge: will rape and kill the next date that is 5 minutes late In fancy dress: manic depressive at all other times Smiling with mouth closed in all pictures: teeth like park railings With family: mummy’s boy Doing a sporting event: makes up for lack of personality by abseiling Graduation photo: not the kind of person who takes photos of very often, or has achieved very little of interest since In bright lighting: trying to obscure wrinkles deeper than the Grand Canyon From far away: Michael Bolton lookalike Very close-up: horrible body Varying body sizes and looks: mental, insecure bulimic with body dysmorphia No picture: Plug from Bash Street Kids/ married Picture of someone else: Frankenstein’s monster/ married