Unsplash/Ian Schneider
Dating 101

55 reasons to ditch your boyfriend

1. Your boyfriend points to broccoli on a restaurant menu and tells you it’s “the colon’s broom”.

2. Your boyfriend waits until he gets to the front of the queue in McDonalds before looking at the menu and deciding what to have.

3. Your boyfriend while you’re out of town:

ITV/Celebrity Juice
ITV/Celebrity Juice

4. Your boyfriend has just wished a baby a happy birthday on Facebook.

5. Your boyfriend buys you panettone for Christmas.

6. Your boyfriend is planning to propose to you on Christmas Day.

7. Your boyfriend‘s made me a mixtape.

Keisha Stronger headphones

8. Your boyfriend took a picture of a milkshake and Instagrammed it with a “brings all the boys to the yard”-related caption.

9. Your boyfriend says he’s still on BT Cellnet.

10. Your boyfriend asks shops whether they “take Switch”.

11. Your boyfriend says “All the double-yous” when reading out a URL.

12. Your 34-year-old boyfriend gets upset if his parents haven’t bought him an advent calendar.

13. Your boyfriend was out in Soho on his own last night.

Alexis rented

14. Your boyfriend‘s just putting the finishing touches to his YouTube parody of Adele’s Hello video.

15. Your boyfriend‘s been telling me what he really wants to watch on Netflix.

16. Your boyfriend voted for himself on the Rainbow List.

17. Your boyfriend films the local firework display. In portrait.

18. Your boyfriend‘s legs are like his DMs – open to all so anyone can slide on in.

19. Your boyfriend bought this pan thinking it was a great idea.

Tom Daley/Instagram
Tom Daley/Instagram

20. Your boyfriend tells the driver his destination when he gets on the bus.

21. Your boyfriend says yes to a Paperchase loyalty card when there’s a queue of 17 people behind him.

22. Your boyfriend puts his Uber rating in his Twitter bio.

23. Your boyfriend writes open letters.

24. Your boyfriend tapped his Oyster card on the reader repeatedly even though it said “Seek assistance”

25. Your boyfriend put this pic on Facebook and captioned it “me and bae”

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26. Your boyfriend calls you “Sir Tweet-a-lot.”

27. Your boyfriend can’t start his day without that “caffeine boost” from his favourite “cup of Joe”

28. Your boyfriend interjects when strangers mispronounce ‘espresso’.

29. Your boyfriend goes to cafes and says no when someone asks him to watch their laptop while they go to the loo. “What am I supposed to do if someone tries to take it? Ninja-chop them?” No.

30. Your boyfriend pins his own memes.

31. Your boyfriend just posted ten YouTube links each with the caption “TUNEAGE : MALLORCA MEMORIES 93”

32. Your boyfriend did this on his first day as a social media manager:

Twitter
Twitter

33. Your boyfriend is anxious to “get a good seat” at The Breakfast Club at the weekend.

34. Your boyfriend pronounces eggs Copenhagen the opposite way to the waiter on purpose.

35. Your boyfriend asks to switch eggs with you as soon as the plate arrives. His are “too runny”

36. Your boyfriend asks for baked beans in a bowl on the side so they don’t touch his bacon.

37. Your boyfriend thinks microwaving porridge is sacrilegious.

38. Your boyfriend is still secretly disappointed that Ready Brek doesn’t *actually* make you glow.

39. Your boyfriend asks for straightened croissants.

40. Your boyfriend buys Tuc crackers because Jessie J does.

Cbb4w-UWEAAqLz5.jpg-large
Tuc

41. Your boyfriend insists on sitting near the window in Nando’s because it’s the only place he can get phone signal.

42. Your boyfriend: “I’m just going to take a selfie of myself.”

43, Your boyfriend: “Ooh, I don’t half drink a lot of tea. And I really like it. I should mention this in my bio.”

44. “I like to watch them go in.” – Your boyfriend, talking about Celebrity Big Brother. Apparently.

45. Your boyfriend wears these sunglasses:

CXaR7qzWMAA0S2z.jpg-large

46. Your boyfriend hopes you like your Baylis & Harding gift set.

47. Your boyfriend wonders aloud why someone hasn’t “replied back”.

48. Your boyfriend‘s updated his LinkedIn because he’s moved desks.

49. Your boyfriend‘s Gmail password is the town and year of his birth and then an ‘x’

50. Your boyfriend tweeted this:

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51.Your boyfriend goes to parties and, after introducing himself, the first thing he says is: “I’ve never seen Star Wars. Is that weird?”

52. Your boyfriend sent me a LinkedIn invitation before our meeting was over.

53. Your boyfriend thinks Boris Johnson is “bants”.

54. Your boyfriend says “Netflix and Chill” when he means he wants to watch a movie.

55. Your boyfriend sees himself as a “male Carrie Bradshaw”.

carrie_672
HBO

More like this:
25 men you should never date
11 guaranteed ways to destroy your relationship
15 men you should never take home to meet your mother
31 things you will see people do on dating apps

Image: Unsplash/Ian Schneider

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